People have a tendency to blame random shit for killing their sex lives.
The TV.
kids.
dog.
full moon.
Mercury in retrograde.
Meanwhile, they’re glued to their phones, haven’t had a meaningful conversation in three weeks, and wonder why sex feels about as exciting as folding laundry.
As a certified sex therapist, I hear these myths every single week. Some have a grain of truth. Others need to die a quick, merciful death.
Let’s clear the air.
Myth #1: A TV in the bedroom kills your sex life.
Truth: The TV isn’t the problem. Binge-watching until 1:00 a.m. is.
For many couples, watching a favorite show together is how they unwind after a stressful day. They laugh. They cuddle. They decompress.
That’s connection.
The problem isn’t Netflix.
The problem is saying, “One more episode…” until one of you is unconscious and drooling on the pillow.
If your television is replacing your partner every single night, that’s an issue. If TV is more satisfying than the sex you are having, maybe consider the quality of your sex instead?
But if TV is helping you transition from work mode into couple mode?
Carry on.
👉 Research consistently shows that relationship quality and sleep quality are closely connected—not that televisions are inherently harmful. Couples who sleep better and feel more connected tend to report healthier relationships. It’s less about the TV and much more about how couples use their evenings together. Read the review in Sleep Medicine Reviews
Myth #2: Kids in your bed destroy intimacy.
Truth: Rigid thinking destroys intimacy.
If you are a parent who has somehow convinced themselves that sex is only allowed in one location…
News flash…
You own an entire damn house.
Guest room.
Shower.
Laundry room.
Kitchen counter. (Just wipe it down afterward.)
I’m not saying co-sleeping works for every family.
I’m saying get creative.
Myth #3: Sleeping with your dog is harmless.
Truth: Your dog may be cockblocking you.
I know.
Cue the angry emails.
I love dogs.
But your dog does not care whether you get laid. And if you try the trick I mentioned above with them… laundry room, kitchen, etc…
Unlike kids, dogs will follow you. They will stare at your naked ass, lick your feet, and that’s just not sexy. And recent studies tell us, dogs in the bed are just not good for us.
Sometimes love means buying the dog a really nice bed.
Myth #4: Phones don’t affect intimacy.
Truth: Your phone is probably the biggest third wheel in your relationship.
You crawl into bed.
“I’m just checking one thing.”
Forty-five minutes later you’ve watched twelve reels, checked your email four times, stalked your ex’s vacation photos, and somehow purchased a silicone vegetable chopper you’ll never use.
Your partner?
Invisible.
Attention is foreplay.
If your phone gets more eye contact than your spouse…
We’ve found your problem.
👉 A recent systematic review found that excessive smartphone use is consistently associated with poorer sleep quality, especially when it’s part of your bedtime routine. Less sleep means less energy for sex or anything else, less sexual desire, and often less patience with your partner.
Myth #5: Great sex should always be spontaneous.
Truth: That’s Disney bullshit.
Long-term desire doesn’t usually arrive wearing a superhero cape yelling,
“Surprise! I’m horny!”
It often starts with intention.
Flirting.
Touching.
Planning.
Protecting time together.
People schedule meetings worth millions of dollars but refuse to schedule sex because they think it “should happen naturally.”
Time for a shift.
Your relationship deserves a calendar invite. Want to learn more, read my blog on Spontaneous Sex is a Myth.
Myth #6: Frequency equals happiness.
Truth: Better sex beats more sex.
Some couples have sex twice a week and feel disconnected.
Others have sex twice a month and couldn’t be happier.
Stop comparing your relationship to your friend’s, your neighbor’s, or whatever influencer claims they’re having sex every day.
Honestly?
While I love a little kiss and tell, I’m also a little skeptical of anyone who brags that much.
Myth #7: If you really loved each other, sex would be effortless.
Truth: Everything worth having requires maintenance.
You maintain your car.
Your teeth.
Your lawn.
Your career.
But somehow people think intimacy should magically maintain itself while they’re working sixty hours a week, raising kids, caring for aging parents, and sleeping six hours a night.
That’s a bit short sighted to say the least.
Relationships need attention.
So does sex.
Myth #8: Desire disappears because you’re getting older.
Truth: Desire changes.
Hormones shift.
Bodies change.
Energy changes.
But plenty of people are having phenomenal sex in their sixties, seventies, and beyond.
Age isn’t usually the problem.
Silence and ageism is. Skeptical? Read my blog on Sexual Satisfaction At Any Age.
People haven’t discussed that what they want in their 50s, 60s and beyond is different than in their 20s and 30s.
They stop experimenting.
They stop laughing.
That’s what ages a sex life.
Myth #9: The spark always dies in long term relationships.
Truth: The spark dies because curiosity dies.
You already know your partner’s coffee order.
Do you know their newest fantasy?
Their current turn-ons?
What makes them feel desired now?
People evolve.
Keep getting to know each other.
Myth #10: Your sex life is doomed because life is stressful.
Truth: Stress isn’t the enemy.
Ignoring stress is.
Stress can absolutely crush desire.
But couples who acknowledge it, adapt, take time for self care, communicate, and make room for affection usually fare much better than couples pretending everything’s fine.
Sometimes sex isn’t the answer.
Sometimes the answer is finally talking about why nobody wants it.
The Bottom Line
Can we stop blaming televisions?
Your TV probably isn’t wrecking your sex life.
Your phone might be.
Your dog definitely isn’t helping.
But more than anything…
It’s the tiny habits that slowly pull couples apart.
The absence of flirting.
The lack of curiosity.
The constant distractions.
The assumption that intimacy should magically survive without any effort.
Here’s the rule I actually want you to remember:
Don’t ask whether a habit belongs in your bedroom.
Ask whether it brings you closer or pulls you farther apart.
Because sex isn’t killed by things.
It’s killed by disconnection.
Now put the damn phone down.
Your partner has been waiting.
Now go have sex!