Let’s talk about your spank bank.
Yes, you heard that right. Not your checking, not your savings, not your crypto wallet. We’re talking about the intimate, deeply personal, highly subjective mental treasure chest of sexual fantasies. Most of us dip into them when we’re flying solo—some of us do when seeking greater arousal with a partner. It’s the mental book of erotic short-stories you’ve been building since you discovered the joys of friction. If yours is feeling a little empty or you’ve never really explored it, don’t worry, just keep reading.
Why Fantasy Matters
Sexual fantasies aren’t just the stuff of steamy romance novels, porn, or late-night cable. They’re actually a vital part of our erotic and emotional lives. Fantasies serve several important psychological and relational functions:
- Imagination as intimacy training: Fantasies can help us explore what turns us on in a safe, non-judgmental space. They give us the ability to play out desires, test boundaries, and indulge in “what ifs” without consequences. It’s basically the dress rehearsal for your sex life.
- Connection, not competition: When shared consensually with a partner, fantasies can build intimacy, create vulnerability, and even revive a stale sexual routine. (Just don’t try to introduce your “pirate roleplay in Costco” idea out of nowhere—ease your partner into it.) Here’s a resource for ways to introduce fantasy that will create connection with your partner rather than it resulting in them yucking your yum.
- Relief and release: Fantasies offer an escape and cum in handy when we’re struggling with getting aroused or staying aroused. They allow our brains to take a vacation from to-do lists, deadlines, and the never-ending list of unsexy thoughts. When you engage with your fantasy life, you’re giving yourself permission to prioritize pleasure, creativity, and emotional catharsis.
What’s in a Spank Bank?
What makes a good spank bank deposit? That depends entirely on you. Curious about the most common fantasies, click here.
Maybe it’s the stereotypically threesome. Or the archetypal bad boy with a heart of gold. Or maybe it’s the dominant librarian who takes Dewey Decimal very, very seriously. Fantasies can be romantic, taboo, wild, tender, or downright weird—and they don’t need to make logical sense. Your brain is not a courtroom. You’re not on trial for that dream about the yoga instructor or the pool guy.
The key is ownership without judgment. You don’t need to act on every fantasy you have. Many people don’t. Many fantasies in our spank banks are meant to stay in the realm of imagination—and that’s perfectly healthy.
But… What If I Don’t Have One?
Now, maybe you’re reading this and thinking, “I don’t have a spank bank. I’ve got more of a spank piggy bank. And it’s empty.”
You’re not broken. You’re not boring. You’re just disconnected from this part of yourself, and that disconnection can happen for a bunch of reasons:
- Trauma or past shame
- Lack of education or exposure to sex-positive messaging
- Cultural or religious conditioning
- Simply never having explored it!
This is where a sex therapist becomes your erotic financial advisor. We’re not here to judge or prescribe. We’re here to help you reconnect with your imagination, your body, and your desires. Through conversation, guided exercises, and sometimes even fantasy journaling (yes, that’s a thing), we can help you identify, explore, and expand upon what arouses you.
Fantasy isn’t about performance. It’s about curiosity. It’s about understanding your erotic maps or blueprints—what stirs, excites, or even challenges you. And if you’ve never considered what you’d like to fantasize about, that’s a great starting point.
Couples and the Shared Spank Bank
In relationships, fantasy can also be a fantastic tool for reigniting passion or deepening emotional connection. But here’s the catch: it requires trust, CUMmunication, and boundaries.
Not every fantasy needs to be shared. But when you do, the magic is in how you share it. Say, “Hey, I had this sexy idea,” instead of, “You’d be hotter if you were wearing leather.” Share the vibe, not a demand.
When both partners feel heard, respected, and intrigued—not threatened—fantasies can become a playground rather than a battleground.
Closing Time: Make a Deposit
So, what’s in your spank bank?
If the answer is “I have no idea,” or “I think mine bounced,” you’re not alone—and you’re not stuck. Check this out for a fun place to start.
A sex therapist can be your guide to getting reacquainted with your desires—without shame, without pressure, and definitely without judgment.
Because everyone deserves a fantasy life that’s rich, personal, and deliciously yours.
So, get curious, tap into that spank bank, and go have sex!