While aging brings wisdom and laughter lines, it also brings with it an increasingly complex relationship sex. As we age, the dynamics of intimacy evolve, sometimes in surprising, hilarious, and enlightening ways. When it comes to sex and aging, many people have inaccurate and negative outlooks on sex, sexuality, sexual frequency and satisfaction. I believe wholeheartedly that we deserve sexual satisfaction at any age. Keep reading for tips on staying frisky and finding sexual satisfaction at any age.
1. Sexual Desires Don’t Expire
Contrary to popular myths and Hollywood, your sexual desires and libido don’t come with an expiration date. I think the biggest mistake couples make is no longer acting like a sexual or sexy person. When you don’t act romantic or sexy, you don’t feel romantic or sexy. Studies show that many people remain sexually active—and satisfied—well into their 70s and 80s. Sure, the pace might slow down, but intimacy can deepen in ways that younger generations can’t even imagine.
A study published in The New England Journal of Medicine found that 73% of people aged 57-64 were sexually active, and even among those aged 75-85, 26% still enjoyed sexual activities. Age is just a number… 69 anyone?!
2. The New “Normal” Changes Over Time
Bodies change with age but that doesn’t mean you have to abandon your sexual desires or sexuality. It just means you have some adjusting to do in order to continue meeting your sexual needs.
Hormonal Shifts: Men might experience lower testosterone levels, while women face menopause-related changes, such as reduced estrogen. This can affect how you want to be touched, the need and desire for more foreplay/outercourse, and how much manual stimulation you might need to stay in the game. If hormones or hormone related challenges become an issue, talk to your doctor about Hormone Replacement Therapy.
Physical Challenges: Arthritis, back pain, loss of lubrication or that rock hard erection can feel unsexy but I’ve got answers so clear away the cobwebs ladies and gentleman! If you’re struggling with erectile dysfunction, read my blog: Erection Obsession or Foreplay & ED.
Medication Side Effects: Some meds for blood pressure, depression, or other age-related conditions can impact sexual function. Talk to your doctor; there might be alternatives.
Tips: Lubricants are your best friend post-menopause. Devices that enhance blood flow can get your penis pumping. Yes, we’re talking vibrators and penis pumps—technology has your back (and front). Invest in some supportive sex pillows at Liberator.com. Your hips will thank you.
3. CUMmunication is Hotter Than Ever
Who knew that a bit of good old-fashioned conversation could be the ultimate aphrodisiac? As you age, you might find it easier to discuss your needs, boundaries, and fantasies. Sometimes being young, dumb, and full of cum doesn’t facilitate effective CUMmunication. Golden Girls & Guys…this is your time to shine!
Ask Questions: What feels good? What positions are comfortable? Maybe even, “How do you feel about trying something new?”
Try This: Schedule a “sex talk” with your partner. Use humor to break the ice. “So, about last night—was that a cramp or a new move?”. BONUS… “I love licking your pussy but I’m noticing lately that when I do I end up with neck cramps” “I heard about this new Liberator Pillow and I was thinking we could get one and try out some new positions.”
4. Sexual Health: No Expiration Date on Caution
Aging doesn’t exempt you from practicing safe sex. In fact, the incidence of sexually transmitted infections (STIs) often rises among older adults. Why? Less worry about pregnancy often means fewer condoms in play, but STIs don’t discriminate based on age.
If you’re not in a monogamous relationship, always use protection . Get regular health check-ups for STIs before sex with new partners. Too embarrassed to go through your regular GP, go to Planned Parenthood. They are an amazing service with very knowledgeable clinicians. For more on staying sexually healthy, check out CDC’s guide to sexual health.
5. New Horizons: Dating and Intimacy in Later Life
Single and ready to mingle? The world of dating has transformed, and now, apps cater specifically to older adults. If you’re interested in getting back into dating and don’t know where to start, check out SilverSingles and OurTime.
6. Keep it Playful
Sex at any age can and will be awkward at one time or another, and aging adds its own brand of comedy. From getting leg cramps to spicing it up for the first time with cock-rings, there’s plenty to laugh about.
Tip: Avoid keeping your ben-gay in the same drawer as your lube. Otherwise, you could end up in a cool-hot mess! Yikes!
Books & Podcasts:
- The Ultimate Guide to Sex After 50 by Joan Price
- Naked at Our Age by Joan Price
- Our Better Half—a podcast focusing on intimacy in midlife and beyond.
Final Thoughts: Aging Like Fine Wine (Or Whiskey)
Sex should only get better with time. With a little humor, honest communication, and a few new tricks up your sleeve, you’ll find that sexual intimacy can be more fulfilling than ever. Many clients have told me that sex in their later lives has been more gratifying because they were less self conscious, more sexually experienced, more aware of their wants and desires, less focused on performance, and more focused on pleasure and connection.
So go ahead—embrace the quirks, celebrate the wisdom, and remember: your golden years can also be your spiciest ones. If you’re retired, what the fuck else are you gonna do with all that time? One can spend just so much time playing golf and pickleball!
Now go have sex!