Wanting an open relationship doesn’t make you broken.
It doesn’t make you selfish.
It doesn’t make you “bad at commitment.”
But…
It also doesn’t automatically make you evolved, emotionally mature, or ready.
(Sorry. Someone had to say it.)
Because a lot of people don’t actually want non-monogamy…
They want:
👉 excitement
👉 validation
👉 escape from problems in their current relationship
And those are very different things.
Non-monogamy isn’t “more freedom with less work.”
👉 It’s more honesty, more responsibility, and more emotional skill required
Done well? It can be deeply fulfilling.
Done poorly? It’s chaos with extra people.
Non-Monogamy Is Not a Fix — It’s an Amplifier
If your relationship is:
- disconnected
- full of resentment
- lacking communication
- barely surviving as it is
Adding more people into the mix is not going to magically fix that.
It’s like saying:
“Our house is on fire… should we invite more people inside?”
Non-monogamy rarely solves relationship issues.
It typically magnifies them.
Jealousy Will Show Up (Yes, Even If You Think You’re Chill) & That’s Ok
Everyone says:
“I’m not the jealous type.”
Until suddenly:
👉 your partner is laughing with someone else
👉 texting someone else
👉 sleeping with someone else
And your nervous system goes:
“Absolutely not. We are NOT okay.”
Jealousy isn’t a sign you’re failing or proof something is wrong.
It’s information—about fear, insecurity, or unmet needs.
It’s information that tells you:
- what you’re afraid of losing
- where you feel insecure
- what you need reassurance around
Jealousy will come and go just like any other emotion. The goal isn’t to eliminate jealousy.
It’s to know how to handle it without blowing everything up.
You Need Way More Communication Than You Think
Non-monogamy isn’t:
“Do whatever you want, we’re cool.” Or “Here’s my rules, abide or die!”
It’s actually:
- constant check-ins
- clear boundaries
- uncomfortable conversations
- renegotiation… often
You need to be able to say things like:
👉 “That didn’t sit well with me.”
👉 “I need more reassurance.”
👉 “I thought I’d be okay with this, but I’m not.”
Without:
- shutting down
- getting defensive
- or pretending you’re fine when you’re not
Because pretending?
That’s how things quietly implode.
Want some tips for improving communication in your relationship? Check this out!
Rules Won’t Save You If You Don’t Know Why They Exist
Couples new to non-monogamy love making rules like:
- “No sleepovers”
- “No emotional attachment”
- “Only physical”
Well intentioned, maybe.
But here’s the reality:
You can’t rule your way out of emotions.
People catch feelings.
Attachment happens.
Boundaries get tested.
So instead of asking:
“What rules should we have?”
Ask:
👉 What are we actually trying to protect?
👉 What are we afraid might happen?
That’s where the real conversation is.
Shared Decisions or Pushing Agendas?
Big difference.
Healthy non-monogamy feels like:
👉 a shared decision
👉 mutual curiosity
👉 both people feeling considered and safe
Unhealthy version looks like:
👉 one person pushing
👉 the other person “agreeing” to not lose them
👉 quiet resentment building in the background
If one of you feels like you’re being dragged into it…
That’s not openness.
That’s pressure. And your gonna need some help!
Some People Just Want Permission
Sometimes “I want an open relationship” really means:
👉 “I want to explore without any consequences”
👉 “I want to have fun but don’t want talk through the feelings it erupts”
👉 “I don’t want to feel guilty if I cheat”
Again… honest, but not the same thing as successful ethical non-monogamy.
Clarity matters.
Because non-monogamy done poorly?…
It’s just cheating with better branding.
So… Should You Do It?
Maybe.
Non-monogamy can work.
But it tends to work best when:
- your relationship is already stable
- communication is strong
- both people genuinely want it
- you’re willing to face uncomfortable emotions head-on, not avoid them.
Bottom Line
Non-monogamy isn’t:
- a shortcut
- a fix
- or a personality trait
It’s a relationship structure that requires:
👉 honesty
👉 emotional maturity
👉 and a LOT of self-awareness
So before you open the relationship…
Ask yourself:
Are we trying to expand something healthy…
or escape something uncomfortable?
Because those lead to very different outcomes.
Wanting more information? Check out these book recommendations:
“Open Monogamy : A Guide to Co-Creating Your Ideal Relationship Agreement”
Now go have sex…