Let’s face it: parenting can be sooo unsexy and it’s often the fastest way to annihilate your sex life. Remember when date night involved sexy concerts, beach sunsets, candlelit dinners, and sultry glances across the table? Now it’s a ten-minute session of Netflix before you both pass out, surrounded by dirty dishes and a soundtrack of baby monitors or teenagers that won’t go to bed. Quickees or no physical intimacy at all can become the norm and that gets old real soon. 

Parenting is exhausting, messy, and frankly, a cock blocker! How is anyone supposed to feel attractive when they’re wearing yesterday’s yoga pants with smears of toddler snot or being dismissed by a teenager? Yes, having a satisfying sex life takes time and effort – but you deserve it and your partner does too!

The Un-Sexy Truth 

Parenting turns your life into a whirlwind of diaper blowouts, PTA meetings, and a never-ending quest to figure out how to get your teen to talk to you. You’re constantly tired, and intimacy feels like a distant memory, shoved somewhere between the carpool schedule and softball practice. And let’s talk about the logistics—the effort it takes to get in the mood when your kid’s idea of personal boundaries is barging in mid-makeout to ask you where their soccer uniform is.

But it doesn’t have to stay this way. You can reclaim your sexy, even if your life currently feels like a never-ending episode of “Survivor: Parenthood Edition.” 

Step 1: Start Small (even if size matters to you 😉 

Sexy isn’t just about candlelight and lingerie (although, getting rid of those granny panties can be helpful). It’s about connection, confidence, feeling good in your own skin, and making space for romance. Start small: a flirty text during the day, a shared joke about the insanity of your lives, or locking eyes for a moment longer than usual can put you on the road to sexy town. Going from zero to sixty (random boners in the night or crotch grabs) will likely get you rejected.

TIP – It’s essential to get your partner on the same page and CUMmunicate these plans for reshaping your sex life – you will not succeed if you try to do it alone! (unless it’s you and your vibrator – but that’s another blog).

Step 2: Schedule the Fun Stuff 

Yes, I’m talking about scheduling intimacy. Sound unsexy? Maybe. But waiting for spontaneity in a house with kids is like waiting for a unicorn to do your taxes. If you’re skeptical, read my blog: Spontaneous Sex is a Myth!  Block out time on the calendar, and stick to it like you stick to the pediatrician’s appointments. Think of it as self-care for your relationship. 

Step 3: Tap Into Resources 

Need more ideas? I’ve got you covered. Check out my other blogs here for tips on everything from reigniting your passion to overcoming the awkwardness of restarting your intimate life. Whether you’re into exploring new forms of intimacy or just looking for ways to CUMmunicate better, I’ve got the tools to help you navigate the journey back to sexy town. 

Also, don’t miss out on these incredible tools and resources: 

Step 4: Get Playful 

Parenting can make life feel serious 24/7. But don’t underestimate the power of playfulness. Check out my blog on the Power of Playfulness. Turn everyday moments into flirtation: parenting challenges can be a way to connect – i.e. give a comforting gaze & smile when dealing with teens who are trying to resist chores, banter over who has the better diaper-changing record, or steal a moment together in your closet to make out. 

Step 5: Prioritize Yourself 

You can’t feel sexy if you’re running on empty. Take time for self-care—whether that’s hitting the gym, socializing with friends, getting a massage, or simply enjoying a hot bath without someone banging on the door. When you feel good about yourself, it radiates in your relationship. 

Embrace the New Sexy 

Parenthood may have momentarily stripped away your charisma, but it’s also made you resilient, resourceful, and maybe even a little funnier (you kind of have to be to survive). Embrace this new version of sexy. 

Parenting isn’t the death of your sexy life; it’s just a plot twist. With a little effort, some tools, tenacity, CUMmunication, and a whole lot of humor, you’ll be back to feeling like the rockstar couple you are. 

Now, go ahead and get back on the road to sexy town! And remember, I’m here to help every step of the way. You’ve got this! 

Now go have sex!