In a world where beauty standards are as stable as a Jenga tower in a toddler’s playroom, it’s not just our self-esteem taking a hit. But our sex lives are on the line too. Yes, you read that right. I want to dive into how socially constructed views of beauty and body are doing more than just filling up our social media feeds with unrealistic images. They’re also sneaking into our bedrooms, ruining our sex lives, and whispering sweet nothings of doubt. Let’s explore this tragicomic landscape of modern beauty and bedroom woes.
The One With the Instagram Abs
Let’s face it, not everyone has abs that look like they were carved by Michelangelo himself. Yet, thanks to the glossy gods of instagram filters and movie screens, many of us think that’s the norm. And on the Michelangelo note, during his time, the women being portrayed, painted, and desired were women with average thighs and bellies. Not the unreal, liposuctioned, airbrushed, hollywood/porn star types that we currently compare ourselves to. The pressure to sport a washboard stomach or perfectly toned arms is real, but when did a little belly fluff ever stop anyone from having a good time? Spoiler: It didn’t. Until, of course, we started believing it should.
The Truth, Unrealistic Expectations
The truth is, these unrealistic expectations can turn our sex lives into a stage for performance anxiety rather than a haven for pleasure. It’s hard to get in the mood when you’re worried about your partner critiquing your body like it’s an entry in a beauty pageant. The last thing anyone needs in the midst of intimacy is a mental commentary running, “Is my partner thinking about why my thighs don’t look like the ones on their Instagram feed?” But in reality, good sex is about connection and pleasure not perfect bodies or beauty. Hollywood and corporations selling us beauty have sold us that bill of shit for too long and if we want to have satisfying sex lives, it’s our jobs to quit paying attention and to quit buying into it.
The Tale of the Eternal Beauty Routine
Ever spent three hours getting ready for a night that you hoped would end with a bit of romantic wrestling? Between the plucking, shaving, moisturizing, and contouring, it’s a wonder anyone has the energy left for actual fun. This isn’t just a time sink; it’s a mood killer. By the time you’re done turning yourself into a human masterpiece, the only thing you’re ready for is a good nap.
And let’s not forget the financial cost. Maintaining a look that’s en vogue can drain wallets faster than a high-stakes poker game. It’s all fun and games until your bank account looks as exhausted as you feel after deciphering what “business casual” means for your date night.
The Myth of the Perfect Match
Then there’s the myth perpetuated by movies and romance novels—that there’s only one perfect body type that each of us is programmed to desire. This narrative can make us overlook potentially wonderful partners because they don’t fit the societal mold of perfection. It’s like going to a buffet and eating only the croutons because someone once told you they’re the best part. Variety is the spice of life and that includes body shapes and sizes! The best sex happens when you’re with someone who is authentic, expressive, and enthusiastic. Most lovers aren’t focused on your belly fat or cellulite, most lovers seeking pleasure and satisfaction are focused on what feels good, and a little extra cushion for the pushin’ never stopped anyone from sexual satisfaction unless YOU let it.
Let’s Talk About Sex, Baby—The Real Talk
So, what’s the solution? Mindfulness for one. Oh don’t worry, I’m not gonna get all woo woo on you. I can’t meditate for shit, but I can practice staying in the moment for small bits of time, with nonjudgement, and compassion to focus on sexual sensations for more pleasure and sexual satisfaction. Check out “ways mindfulness practice can improve your sex life”.
Or get some ideas by reading my blog on “the key ingredients of great sex”
Also, as I always say, CUMmunication, and lots of it is key to sexual satisfaction. Try some honest conversations with your partners about insecurities, desires, and expectations. Discussing what turns you on (and what doesn’t) can actually be fun and can lead to deeper connection and better experiences together. After all, intimacy thrives on trust and understanding, not on a six-pack or a thigh gap.
Wrapping It Up
As we navigate through the maze of beauty standards and bedroom antics, let’s try to remember that the real fun comes from genuine connection, not a curated image. Whether you have curves for days or a frame as straight as a ruler, your desirability doesn’t hinge on your conformity to beauty standards, it’s about confidence, chemistry, and, most importantly, comfort.
So the next time you find yourself worrying about body rolls during a roll in the hay, remember: get Hollywood and Instagram out of your bedroom and let’s embrace our real selves and enjoy the ride—literally and figuratively. After all, the best moments in life (and in the bedroom) come from authenticity, not perfection.