This week I’ve been caught up in feeling that I’m not good enough. Actually, I’d felt that way most of 2025 until today – happy fucking new year! Yes, I know, a little dramatic… the unsexy honest truth is these feelings come and go for me just like everyone else. Keep reading and I’ll share some tips on how I work through them.
I know it may seem strange that a therapist would feel this way, let alone confess it.
For someone who helps others navigate their most intimate struggles, advocates for self-acceptance and confidence, to openly say, “I don’t feel like I’m enough” is … different. But it’s the truth. And for today’s blog, I’m choosing to share the discomfort of that truth, rather than pretend I’m impervious to the very insecurities with which many of my clients wrestle.
I’m sharing this unsexy confession because there’s power in honesty and none of us should suffer in silence.
Yes, this blog is really unsexy. I promise the next one will be HOT. But life isn’t always sexy or the way sex and sexy are portrayed by Hollywood. If you struggle with depression or anxiety, my blog on Mental Health and Sex may be worth the read.
Yes, I spend my days guiding others through their sexual struggles: performance anxiety, low sexual desire, couples romantic struggles, erectile dysfunction, sexual trauma, and the shame that we often associate with sex and intimacy. I’ve heard countless stories of people who feel unworthy because they don’t measure up to some impossible standard. I’ve sat with clients as they cried, certain that their flaws make them unlovable. I’ve reminded them that they are enough—exactly as they are. And just because I have the knowledge or skills to heal doesn’t make me immune to a negative, internal critic.
However, I know the feelings will pass because I do the work that I encourage my clients to do.
While I live in the real unsexy world like everyone else, I know that when I use my tools, my outlook improves and I begin to remember that I am enough.
I might scroll through social media and find myself comparing my body to someone else’s photos. I’ll overanalyze my words after a session, questioning whether I truly helped my client. I’ll sit in meetings with colleagues, silently convinced that everyone else is smarter, more capable, more “put together” than me.
Sometimes, it feels downright hypocritical. Who am I to guide others through their insecurities when I’m still battling my own? Who am I to preach self-love when I’m critical of my own reflection in the mirror? Who am I to encourage vulnerability when there are days I can’t myself?
This is the unsexy part of being human—of being a therapist.
We aren’t immune to the pressures and expectations of the world around us. We’re just as susceptible to the whispers of “not good enough” that creep into our minds. We’re walking alongside you, doing the work, not standing above you, already perfected.
One of the hardest areas for me is feeling “good enough” as a professional. I’ve had clients achieve incredible breakthroughs, but I’ve also had sessions where I feel unsure if I’ve really helped. I’ve said stupid shit that I had to do a repair for … in and out of sessions.
Then there’s the pressure to be “perfect” in my personal relationships. As a sex therapist, shouldn’t I have the most amazing love or family life? Shouldn’t my communication skills be flawless, my sex life be like something out of a porn or romance novel?
But here’s what I know:
Feeling like you’re not enough doesn’t mean you’re unworthy. It means you’re human. It means you care deeply about what you do, about the people in your life, about showing up in the best way possible. It means you’re striving, even if that striving sometimes gets tangled up in self-doubt.
When I sit with my clients, I often remind them that healing isn’t about erasing insecurities; it’s about learning to hold space for them, challenging the inner critic when it’s loudest, and offering yourself grace when you stumble. It’s about showing up, imperfectly but authentically, because that’s enough.
So I don’t doubt that I’ll feel like I’m not enough again and I will continue to do the work:
I’ll practice letting go of perfection, focus on my strengths, focus on something outside of myself, practice gratitude, get social, get active, express my feelings, reframe my negative distorted thoughts, go to therapy (yes, therapists have therapists too!), and continue building and maintaining a healthy support system.
If you’ve ever felt like you’re not good enough, I hope you’ll take this as a reminder that you’re not alone. And more importantly, that your worth isn’t up for debate. It’s intrinsic. It’s yours. Just as you are.
This is my unsexy confession.