To be honest, I really hate New Year’s Resolutions. I do love the idea of starting the new year with fresh ideas. However, I’m a believer in lifelong learning and growth rather than a once a year sort of thing. Mostly I find that people haphazardly have an idea of something they want to change or improve and they don’t do the work. They don’t do the research or planning that is needed to actually understand how to be successful in their New Year’s Resolution. And it’s no different when it comes to sex. If you tend towards these behaviors then you are just setting yourself up for disappointment. And you know Albert Einstein’s definition of insanity, “doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.”
With all that said, I can’t neglect the opportunity to jump on this marketing opportunity. So this is for those of you who are looking for New Year’s Resolutions, especially one that is focused on having more sex, increasing your sexual desire, or improving your sex life. (Smirk). Seriously though, hopefully this article will give you some solid stuff to work with to identify why you aren’t having more sex and how to have more sex in 2023.
I’m not going to reinvent the wheel this year, so I’m doing it the lazy way. Yes, revisiting an article that I wrote (too many fucking years ago) for Theravive.com that is unfortunately still VERY relevant today.
I talk about how to address low sexual desire and start working towards having more sex in the cummming year. I’ve included some of the key points I cover below in “New Year’s Resolution – More Sex.” And if you want the whole article, scroll down for the link at the bottom.
On the topic of sex…
One of the most frequent sexual complaints for women is low sexual desire. And one common mistake couples make when trying to fix this or other sexual problems on their own is jumping to solutions. Jumping to solutions without taking time to understand the reasons for the low desire. Then putting a bandaid on something that needs stitches. This quite often just leaves a scar.
Increasing sexual desire can be very simple but surprisingly, low libido is one of the most difficult sex related issues to treat. This is because it is often just the symptom of other more complicated issues within the relationship or individual. Also there is rarely one single thing causing the low sexual desire. Common causes typically fall into one or more of these four categories. Medical/Biological, Relationship, Emotional, and Societal. And as you can guess there are many subcategories within these main categories.”
I discuss all of this in more detail but here’s the 6 main ideas, problems, and suggestions for having more sex this year.
Doc – just give me a pill!
So many people come into sex therapy hoping that their sexual issues are hormonally driven and they are hoping a pill will fix it. I highly recommend you do have your hormones tested but in most cases it’s just not as simple as a magic pill. That’s why sex therapy is a thing.
When sex isn’t satisfying…duh
First things first, if the sex you’ve been having is boring or unsatisfying then of course your desire for sex is going to be limited. To want sex the sex needs to be worth wanting. Come on- would you keep going to a restaurant that kept serving food that wasn’t delicious?
When relationship problems are to blame
One of the most common factors contributing to low sexual desire is relationship problems. Studies consistently show that if either partner is not getting their needs met outside of the bedroom it is affecting what’s happening inside the bedroom
Do you even know what you like?
Lack of sexual awareness could also be the problem. So many of us are not taught about sex, sexuality, or sexual satisfaction, and some were even discouraged from exploring their own sexuality. Knowing your body, desires, and being able to express them to a partner is essential to a healthy sex life.
Negative Sexual Schemes
Maybe you have negative beliefs and views about sex, intimacy, and even your own body. Of course this affects comfort with sex and being sexual.
Think Sexy Thoughts
Bottom line – think sexy thoughts. Is this really my answer after all that? Yes and No. I’m not here to Bullshit you but thinking sexy thoughts is what sexual satisfaction frequently comes down to. Unfortunately, it’s not easy, it often takes a while and some work. Also, it typically requires doing all the work listed above. Uggh. I know. Great sex takes work just like anything else great in life. If you really want it, start by reading my whole article (see link below). Visit some of my other blogs, and if you are still stumped, listen to some of the podcasts I’ve guested on, or schedule an appointment with a sex therapist near you. You can find one here.
To read the full article, go to Theravive.com http://www.theravive.com/blog/post/2015/01/11/New-Years-Resolution-More-Sex-in-2015.aspx