Let’s talk about sex therapy. Just saying the words out loud makes some people squirm, doesn’t it? Tell someone you’re seeing a sex therapist, and you’ll either get a raised eyebrow, an intrigued lean-in, or that “ohhh…” face people make when they’re trying to act cool but are mentally picturing you in a leather swing.
But here’s the truth: sex therapy is usually far less scandalous—and way more helpful—than most people think.
Since I get asked all the time what actually happens in a sex therapy session, I figured it was time to pull back the covers, fluff the emotional pillows, and give you a peek (not that kind of peek—calm down) into what goes on in my office or my virtual therapy sessions.
First Things First: What Even Is Sex Therapy?
Sex therapy is talk therapy that focuses on sexual concerns, intimacy issues, sexuality questions or conflict, and relationship dynamics. It helps individuals and couples explore their erotic lives, communicate more effectively, and untangle the mental, emotional, and sometimes physiological knots that get in the way of pleasure or living the life that aligns with their identity and sexuality.
And unlike TikTok “sexperts” who promise you’ll have seventeen orgasms by Thursday if you drink enough celery juice, I’m a trained professional. Actual sex therapists have backgrounds in mental health, psychology, or marriage and family therapy—and we know our stuff. And by the way, no hate to TikTok – I love doing videos and have posted quite a collection myself.
So, What Does a Session with Me Or a Sex Therapist Actually Look Like?
Whether we’re sitting in my cozy Long Beach office or chatting virtually (me pretending not to notice how unsexy your bedroom looks and noting how I can help you with that in the future), my job is to be the person you can say anything to. And I mean anything. I’ve heard it all—kinks, glory holes (you’re googling that aren’t you?), mismatched libidos, penis performance panic, pain with sex, dry spells, nonmonogamy gone sideways, orgasm confusion, and “I love them but I’m never in the mood” blues.
A typical session might include:
- A Check-In
I’ll usually start with something like, “What’s most important to talk about? Or What’s been happening since our last session?” We might talk about what’s improved, what’s stuck, or whether that lube suggestion was a life-changer or a flop. - Getting into the Details
Whether you’re dealing with low desire, painful sex, or communication breakdowns, I help you unpack it all—with compassion, curiosity, and maybe a couple of validating “fuck yas.” - Some Sex Ed (The Fun Kind)
You might learn things like: the clitoris has 8,000 nerve endings and none of them are psychic, so if your partner’s flailing around like a confused DJ, it’s not their fault—you just need to speak up. We’ll talk anatomy, arousal, hormones, stress, and why your libido evaporates the second your partner puts on those old sweatpants. - Tools & Techniques
I may suggest exercises like sensate focus (a guided way to explore touch and pleasure without pressure), conversation scripts, or even journaling prompts to explore shame, trauma, or fantasies. I’m here to give you a toolbox—not just a list of positions (although, for science, we can talk about those too).
I Work with Individuals and Couples
Whether you’re flying solo or bringing your partner(s) along, sex therapy can help.
With individuals, we might work on things like sexual identity, shame, past trauma, or figuring out why your orgasm seems to have joined a witness protection program.
With couples, it’s often about desire mismatches, communication snafus, rebuilding trust, or just finding the spark again after the “baby-toddler-career” years. Spoiler: It’s rarely just about the sex. The bedroom is often a mirror of what’s happening emotionally and relationally.
How Is Sex Therapy Different from Regular Therapy?
In “regular” therapy, you might spend time talking about your anxiety, your mom, your boss, or existential questions.
In sex therapy, we might still talk about those things—but we’ll also talk about what positions make you feel vulnerable, what turns you on (or off), why you freeze when your partner touches you “that way,” and why orgasm requires mood lighting, Barry White, and exactly 2.5 glasses of pinot noir.
Sex therapy blends the emotional with the erotic. It’s therapy with a permission slip to talk about the juicy stuff you usually keep tucked away—next to your old vibrator and those expired glow-in-the-dark condoms.
And No, You Don’t Have to Be “Broken” to Come
Here’s the best part: You don’t need to be in crisis to benefit from sex therapy. It can be preventative, playful, eye-opening, or even just a curiosity-fueled deep dive. Therapy isn’t just for fixing what’s “wrong”—it’s for expanding what’s possible.
So if you’re wondering whether sex therapy is for you, the answer is probably yes. Come with your curiosity, your courage, and the questions you’ve always been afraid to ask. Making time for pleasure, intimacy, and emotional connection? That’s not selfish—it’s sexy and smart.
Now, go forth and get therapized. Your sex life will thank you.