One of my clients coined this phrase “Erection Obsession” regarding his on-going erectile dysfunction. I had to share it because I know many men AND women silently relate to this. Whether you or your partner’s penis is too hard, too soft, lasts too long, or doesn’t last long enough, some won’t admit it until it feels like it’s too late – it’s a dirty little secret. Words like erectile dysfunction, premature ejaculation, and delayed orgasm make this topic taboo.
What is Erectile Dysfunction?
Erectile dysfunction (ED) is a common health issue that affects millions of men worldwide. It’s not just a medical condition; it has emotional and psychological impacts. ED is the inability to achieve or maintain an erection sufficient for satisfactory sexual performance. It’s a condition that can affect men of all ages but is more prevalent in those over 40. And due to the unrealistic expectations created by porn, I’m seeing more and more young men struggling with ED for psychological reasons.
Why It Happens:
Most of the people that come to see me have already ruled out that their ED is not due to physical reasons. Their erectile dysfunction is mostly a psychological problem that they’re hoping to overCUM 🙂.
- Psychological causes: Stress, anxiety, depression, and relationship issues.
- Lifestyle factors: Smoking, excessive alcohol consumption, and lack of exercise.
- Physical causes: heart disease, diabetes, high blood pressure, depression, and obesity. Medications for depression and other conditions can also contribute to ED.
Why the Obsession?
- Self-esteem: Men with ED often experience feelings of inadequacy or embarrassment.
- Relationship Stress: ED can strain relationships, leading to frustration and misunderstanding between partners.
- Anxiety and Depression: The stress from ED can lead to a cycle of ongoing emotional distress.
If it happens once, it’s quite common to worry about it happening again. Then you’re no longer thinking sexy thoughts, you’re caught up in worries and fight/flight/fear reactions. When you are thinking unsexy thoughts, your dick responds accordingly. Otherwise, you’d probably get fired or arrested for sexual harassment if you just got random erections no matter what you were thinking.
Also, most of us think in a linear fashion when it comes to sex. Ask yourself, “When do you know that you and your partner are finished having sex?” Most of my clients tell me “When he cums of course.” Hmm. That is, man gets an erection, he and his partner orgasm, the end. So what happens when it doesn’t happen in precisely this fashion? …Erection obsession and/or an orgasm gap for many women (a blog for another time)!
Remember, your penis is not a separate entity; it’s part of your whole fucking body. Just like any other body part, sometimes it has bad days! Remember the Skeleton song we sang as kids… “the left bone’s connected to the right bone, the right bone’s connected to the…” You get the idea? Guys aren’t robots and if you haven’t figured it out yet, your dick IS connected to your brain.
So… How do I Fix my Dick Doc?
First, make sure it’s not related to your physical health.
- If a medical doctor has said it’s not physical, and medications like Medication: Drugs like Viagra, Cialis, and Levitra don’t work or have stopped working, it’s time to start addressing your other head …
Change the way you think about sex, hooking up, making love, screwing, doing “it”
- That is, thinking about sex cyclically rather than linearly. Start with moving your perceptions from the movies to reality. When we focus on what feels pleasurable and sexy, we decrease our obsession with the erection. Read more here for ways to make sex more satisfying.
- Think sexy thoughts. Get back to the basics of focusing on the pleasures of the entire sexual experience, not just intercourse/the thrusting of the penis.
- When we think about sex and intimacy in a cyclical fashion, sex doesn’t end just because the man or dominant partner cums, it ends because we have had enough pleasure, are tired, are connected with our partner, or whatever. But not because we feel we didn’t have any other choice. Allow sex to be more broad than what you see on TV, movies, and porn.
- Consider that you can actually do a lot more sexually with your hands and your mouth than your dick… so use them when these opportunities arise!
See a Sex Therapist:
- Talking to a therapist can help address the psychological factors related to ED. You can find a sex therapist here.
Preventive Measures
- Lifestyle changes: Improving diet, exercising more, and quitting smoking can enhance erectile function.
- Mental health: Manage stress and anxiety by practicing mindfulness, limiting/addressing negative/distorted thinking, meditation, yoga, or other relaxation techniques.
Tips for Talking to Your Partner About ED:
- Be open and honest: CUMmunication is key to navigating ED.
- Reassure each other: It’s a common issue and nothing to be ashamed of.
- Explore together: There might be other ways to satisfy each other while you manage ED.
Conclusion
While ED can be a delicate issue, it’s not insurmountable. With an experienced sex therapist, it can be managed effectively and easily. Remember, ED is like a hiccup in your sexual health—annoying but usually manageable with the right care, a cyclical approach to sex and pleasure, and a bit of playfulness!
By addressing both the physical and emotional sides of ED, individuals and couples can overcome the challenges it poses and lead a fulfilling sex life. Don’t let ED be the boss of your bedroom – take control with knowledge, understanding, and a healthy dose of compassion.
Now, go have SEX!