Here’s a Valentine’s Day article I wrote for Theravive. It still rings true for many of my sex therapy clients longing to be satisfied this valentine’s day…again & again. It’s about how to get the Valentine’s Day you want. I want people to stop basing their relationship and sexual expectations on what they have learned through movies and media.
If you are waiting for your prince/princess to come and read your mind about what you want for Valentine’s Day or what makes you feel desired, yada, yada, yada, then you are likely to be disappointed. Please don’t. Our partner cannot read our mind. Expecting them to read our minds and be the perfect romantic partner for Valentine’s Day and any day for that matter is often a recipe for failure and disappointment. Waiting for that arrow to strike you in the butt may more likely result in a sore @$$ of resentment. Be Satisfied This Valentine’s Day…Again & Again.
So how will you get in the mood this Valentine’s Day? Will you wait for your partner to fulfill your wildest dreams? Something straight out of a romance novel or movie like The Notebook? If you are a woman, it’s likely that you have taken this approach and it’s also likely that on many occasions your dreams were not fulfilled. Research and common knowledge tells us that Valentine’s Day is more important to women than men (Ogletree, 1993). Whether gay or straight, women learn from an early age through movies and media that someday our prince will come and be able to read our minds, make us feel desired, and live happily ever after. According to Morse & Neuberg these ideals and the way people often compare themselves to others on holidays like Valentine’s Day ultimately results in less relationship satisfaction and is often a recipe for failure and disappointment (2004).
Making a romantic evening or weekend a success takes two and it often takes a collaborative effort. Also, starting with what we can control is more likely to create the results we want so how about this year, you try a different approach? Read on…